In my Dreams

once upon a time there was a guy who was all alone in his battle against the world. an uphill struggle to prove his worth to his peers that tore him apart.  nothing but the deepest and darkest parts of his mind populating thoughts. thoughts of her, his broken heart, and the dark side of the moon so to speak. the sun never shines here. the only release coming form bombarding his system with THC and blowing kid cudi through his speakers. wondering weather or not anyone would notice his disappearance from the world. zoning out in the company of the ones he loves most, and no signs of stopping. then he met her(she knows who she is). his mind so far above the clouds, trying to play dodgeball. both laughing their asses off. and they became friends, and he soon learned that they weren't so different in their battle of loneliness and being misunderstood. finally finding someone who begins to understand him gave him hope. and i know that he wants her to know that no matter what, she can rely on him to be there for her, because this fight is to much for one.

This is a dream come true
Finding the perfect words to sing to you
Here in my dreams
Everything plays out exactly how I want them to
Everything turns out dope
Right here in my dreams

                ------Kid Cudi

beautiful lasers

i suppose you dont really choose when you develop feelings for someone, but man i wish you could. sometimes its just better to not care, it makes life, and friendships a lot simpler. especially when its someone so close, just complicates things.

are you going to prom??.....Are You Going To Prom?.......ARE YOU GOING TO PROM??

NO MOSTLIKELY NOT, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME.
man people can sometimes really be downers. its great everyone has their dates and are happy, but really, i DONT care. have fun,

what weather today!!! i loved it, i cant wait until that is the daily norm, no school, nice weather, not mass media bs to worry about, ahh the prospect alone is exhilarating! P.S. the below image is my face in trig.... daily. scratch that, pretty much everything in life.

Letting go

Probably one of the hardest things to do. I wish i could have been what you wanted. But i then see you in these pictures, i see how happy you look, and realize how selfish i am. but at least you could have been honest with me. "im in a relationship with goddddd". o ok, i can respect that, even though id do anything to put a smile on that beautiful face, ok. ..... o wait, o thats your new boyfriend, o cool, he looks like a tool. fuck me. i know it was a wile ago, but i dont care, it still eats at me. you are the reason i started my relationship with mary again.

on a better note, i love my friends. i wish they knew just how much they mean to me and how much theyve helped me keep this small shred of sanity. much love to you guys.

I dont want to care

After reading a blog of someone-who-knows-who-they-are, wile i hurt for this person, and in no way wish that there sadness and loneliness continue in anyway..... its damn good to know that this happens to someone else. i was beginning to think there was something wrong with me(P.S.----there mostlikly is). The sleepless nights, alone with only the deepest recesses of the ugliest parts of my mind, places with no decreeable escape. the introspection, and dissection of everything i do and say. sometimes its good for you to explore who you are, but after a wile it becomes an eire existence where dazed in thought, you begin to lose those around you because you become someone else.... unrecognizable to the ones you love. i dont pretend to know exactly whats going on in your mind, and what your going through these past days. kust that i can relate... try the last couple years of my life. after much time, you find that when you put your heart out there for another, more than likely it will get stomped. and you learn that even though you might think the world of this person, rather than take a chance and make a move, you let that shit slip past, and rather than risk getting hurt, you swell the pain inside, and dont even attempt to love another. and then comes the time you turn on yourself. you pick yourself apart, each and everything wrong with you, until you can no longer love yourself, making it impossible to even begin loving another... and then your lost. All i can say to you is i know your better than this, you know how great you are, and you know you have people that care a great deal about you. take that risk, make that bond, and fail if need be, just dont give up, cause once you have, its escaping a black hole to get back.
Listen Good
I don't have nobody
But what I might feel all the sounds of sanity
Hoping what I hear, loops itself continuously
Then I won't be afraid  
Kid Cudi

Changes and Lasers

They tell you change is supposed to be a thing welcomed, and enjoyed. You aren't supposed to fear it, or hold it in contempt. Well... not all change is to be luxuriated in. For example, how about if your best friend, nay your very brother goes off to college, promises you that no matter what, they will always be best of friends, and he will remain himself. Then when he does decide to grace the 717 with his presence, you barely recognize him. Then the universe decides this alone is not enough, but adds to the fact that he also brings home with him what can only be chalked up to be your replacement. Bummer.
Next topic. Why aren't women printed their own instruction manuals? This being an age old concept, but still, men struggle with this conundrum daily. Like perhaps a key, like on a map, to tell us what each move is to be taken as, and what response is appropriate.
Last word, got Lupe Fiasco's new Album!! LASERS!

Narcissism

I never thought i would have the narcissistic need to post my tribulations on a web page that i would imagine several people would be in tune with everyday due to my wildly skewed illusions of grandeur. But after reading several posts from a friend of mine's blog, i now see that it serves a vital function, it fosters the preservation of sanity. By simply writing down "what ails ya", you can releve a good deal of stress. I hope im doing this right. Here i go.
So i helped a good friend of mine get his desired prom date over the past couple of days, and we finally prevailed, so i was happy for him. he then decides to try and pay me back by attempting to get myself a date and only succeeds in getting himself bitched out by said girl. he makes the choice to ask this 9.6/10 rated girl, wich his heart was in the right place, but come on man... what was you thinkin? What resolution did you hope to arrive at? No worries though, i think i have a date with Mary Jane that night ;). End.